Then David said to Joab and to all the people who were with him, "Tear your clothes, and put on sackcloth, and mourn over Abner." And King David followed the bier. They buried Abner at Hebron. The king lifted up his voice and wept at the grave of Abner, and all the people wept. The king lamented for Abner, saying,
"Should Abner die as a fool dies?
Your hands were not bound,
your feet were not fettered;
as one falls before the wicked
you have fallen."
And all the people wept over him again. Then all the people came to persuade David to eat something while it was still day; but David swore, saying, "So may God do to me, and more, if I taste bread or anything else before the sun goes down!" All the people took notice of it, and it pleased them; just as everything the king did pleased all the people.
So all the people and all Israel understood that day that the king had no part in the killing of Abner son of Ner. And the king said to his servants, "Do you not know that a prince and a great man has fallen this day in Israel? Today I am powerless, even though anointed king; these men, the sons of Zeruiah, are too violent for me. The Lord pay back the one who does wickedly in accordance with his wickedness!"
2 Sa 3:31-39 – NRSV
In times of great injustice, in times of unspeakable tragedy, leaders must send clear messages. There is no room for ambiguity. There is no place for misunderstanding. Sentences must be simple. Words must be clear. Actions must be both. Words and actions must agree.
David gives simple and clear instructions to his people, and specifically to Joab, the cause of all of this trouble. There are symbols: sackcloth, a bier, a tomb. There is ritual: tearing clothes, mourning, marching, burying. Words are spoken and tears are shed. Not only is there grief, but also there is a sincerity in that grief, at least for David. Sincerity that distances David from Joab. David can wrap Joab in sackcloth, but not sorrow.
Then there is lament. David lifts Abner up as one who is wise, not a fool. David tells the people that this valiant warrior deserved to die in battle, or as a captive of his enemies, but not as a helpless victim of the wicked. The unnamed, but not unknown, wicked one, Joab. David creates more distance from Joab. And then there are more tears.
Meals are common to funerals in many cultures, and it is no different here. Yet David will not eat. He will fast; he will not let go of his mourning until the evening comes. The people are satisfied that David is sincere. This sincerity makes the idea that he had anything to do with plotting the death of Abner seem unlikely, perhaps even unbelievable.
After David retires to be with his personal staff, David’s complaints are more pointed. Those sons of my sister: Joab and Abishai. They are the problem. David, as king, does not have to take revenge on Joab for killing Abner; he could apply law and justice. Instead, he decides to put Joab into the hands of God.
Up until this point in the narrative, David’s sorrow seems real. Yet the notion that Joab could continue to serve as general of the king’s armies sounds a note that seems out of tune with the chords of David’s grief. Is David really that weak? Is Joab really that strong? Is David really that concerned that revenge belongs to the Lord?
I don’t know if David was innocent or guilty. To me, Abner’s death appears to have set David back a considerable length of time. Some, though, make a strong case that Abner was more predictable as an enemy than as an ally. He could have been trouble for David’s young dynasty. In reality, it may be that only God, David, and Joab know the truth.
Do we understand the dilemma here? Human beings gauge the motives, the actions, and the character of other human beings from such small clues, many of which can be taken more than one way. From this person’s perspective, David is innocent. From another person’s perspective, David is guilty.
Humans make these judgments about each other’s behaviors every day. What did Ron mean by that devotional? Was it really a coincidence that he talked about that text today? Why did he choose that word? Why did he not use this obvious idea? Did he think that …
On and on we go every day. The best of us, communicating in the clearest of terms, have the best of our actions misunderstood. Even God is misunderstood. “Because the residents of Jerusalem and their leaders did not recognize [Jesus] or understand the words of the prophets that are read every sabbath, they fulfilled those words by condemning him (Acts 13:27-28). A part of human and divine suffering is being misunderstood, even by those who love us.
This pain ought to warn us of the dangers of being quick to judge. This is especially true with children. It is so easy to misread the clues, to misstep in our interpretations, and to misjudge guilt or innocence. It is frighteningly easy to bring trauma instead of justice. This difficulty in knowing how we know what we know (epistemology) is a good reason to be careful in assigning consequences and to avoid exacting revenge altogether. This difficulty in knowing with absolute certainty is a compelling reason to prayerfully discern these situations in community, thus gaining the power of multiple perspectives.
May God give us the wisdom to discern wisely, and together.
Ron
