There is a decision that awaits our boys. It appears to be difficult, but actually it is the path to peace,
Both within the heart of an individual, and the heart of a community.
It is a decision that we who are older have made, yet, in a way, on that we renew every day.
It is the choice to walk with God, or not.
Hear the words of Moses:
Surely, this commandment that I am commanding you today is not too hard for you, nor is it too far away.
It is not in heaven, that you should say, "Who will go up to heaven for us,
and get it for us so that we may hear it and observe it?"
Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, "Who will cross to the other side of the sea for us,
and get it for us so that we may hear it and observe it?"
No, the word is very near to you; it is in your mouth and in your heart for you to observe.
See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, death and adversity.
If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I am commanding you today,
by loving the Lord your God, walking in his ways, and observing his commandments, decrees, and ordinances,
then you shall live and become numerous, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to possess.
But if your heart turns away and you do not hear, but are led astray to bow down to other gods and serve them,
I declare to you today that you shall perish; you shall not live long in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.
I call heaven and earth to witness against you today that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.
Choose life so that you and your descendants may live,
loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and holding fast to him;
for that means life to you and length of days,
so that you may live in the land that the Lord swore to give to your ancestors,
to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob.
Deuteronomy 30:11-20 - NRSV
May your day be blessed,
Ron
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Kingdom fruit
Today, we end a long week with Paul’s simple but powerful call to the fruit of the Spirit.
I know that you know this passage well,
so take the time to read it slowly, savor it, and meditate upon it.
How will this fruit take shape among us as God’s people?
Live by the Spirit, I say, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh.
For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit, and what the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh;
for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you want.
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not subject to the law.
Now the works of the flesh are obvious: fornication, impurity, licentiousness,
idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions,
envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these.
I am warning you, as I warned you before:
those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
There is no law against such things.
And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit.
Let us not become conceited, competing against one another, envying one another.
Galatians 5:16-26 – NRSV
May we seek to bear godly fruit as God’s people.
Grace and peace,
Ron
I know that you know this passage well,
so take the time to read it slowly, savor it, and meditate upon it.
How will this fruit take shape among us as God’s people?
Live by the Spirit, I say, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh.
For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit, and what the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh;
for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you want.
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not subject to the law.
Now the works of the flesh are obvious: fornication, impurity, licentiousness,
idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions,
envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these.
I am warning you, as I warned you before:
those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
There is no law against such things.
And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit.
Let us not become conceited, competing against one another, envying one another.
Galatians 5:16-26 – NRSV
May we seek to bear godly fruit as God’s people.
Grace and peace,
Ron
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Contentment: an attitude of gratitude
There once were four sisters who lived in the land of Discontent. They were intelligent, they were energetic, they were gifted, but they were not content. As they shared a meager meal one night (a meal that did not cause any of them to leave the table feeling full), they talked about the way that each of them felt that they could find contentment. They disagreed profoundly, so they agreed to go seek contentment in their own unique way, to write to each other about their ongoing search for it, and to share what they discovered about it.
The first sister thought that contentment would be found in experiencing her world; she loaded her backpack and set out to see the world. And bit by bit, she did that very thing. She saw the countless wonders of the world, she experienced cuisine from different cultures, and she sat at the feet of the wise in many cultures. Although she learned much, there was always a new sight to see, a new delicacy to taste, and different voice to hear. She found many things, but she woke up hungry in a different place every morning. She did not find contentment.
The second sister thought that contentment would come from making her world productive. Surely if someone could use the resources of this world wisely, one could have all that one wanted, have the time to relax that one wanted, and this plenty would benevolently spill over into the lives of others as well. She went far and worked hard: she mined, she molded, she harvested, she sold. With her tireless labor she changed the face of the planet, becoming wealthy beyond the imagination of most humans. Others followed her, served her, and modeled their lives after her. Yet when she looked in her beveled glass mirror, she did not find contentment in her face, or in the faces of any of those who followed her.
The third sister thought that contentment would come from understanding her world. She spent years in study around the world, accumulating degrees at the finest universities. She wrote volumes about civilization and history. She understood the subtle intricacies of science and philosophy. She could recognize the obscure references and connotations inherent in the most difficult pieces of literature and visual art. Yet all of her knowledge did not provide the definitive answer to the question of how to find contentment. She could describe twenty different theoretical approaches to find contentment, yet she was intellectually honest enough to admit that she had not actually fully lived out any of them.
The fourth sister never left the land of Discontent. The fourth sister stayed at home, went to college in her hometown, married a local boy, and stayed to teach at her alma mater. She did not see the world first hand, but she studied it well enough to instruct her students in its beauty, its fragility, its diversity, and its unity. She did not reshape the world with her industry, but she did teach her students how to use the world’s resources so that they would remain renewable, and yet could still possibly provide for the needs of every human. At the same time, she showed her children how to measure their lives without counting their stuff. She did not pursue many degrees, but she did create in her students a thirst for knowledge that did, over time, change the boundaries of practical human knowledge.
The fourth sister never left the land of Discontent, but she did leave discontent. She did not change the world into a place of contentment, but she did model for her students how one might want to change the world and still find contentment for oneself. How could she ever be content with the status quo of the world, as long as there was hunger, pain, injustice, or want? She did learn, though, to discipline her desires so that she could learn to be content with what she had. She worked on who she was so that she could be more and more content with who she was. She honed her purpose in life, so that she could be more and more content with that purpose. She was the least famous of the four, but the only one to come close to contentment.
Hear these words of wisdom about contentment:
There is no calamity greater than lavish desires.
There is no greater guilt than discontentment.
And there is no greater disaster than greed.
Lao-tzu (604 BC - 531 BC), The Way of Lao-tzu
It is not for man to rest in absolute contentment. He is born to hopes and aspirations as the sparks fly upward, unless he has brutified his nature and quenched the spirit of immortality which is his portion.
Robert Southey (1774 - 1843)
To feel that one has a place in life solves half the problems of contentment.
George Woodberry
For the Christian, the words of Paul speak to us most wisely:
I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:11-13 - NRSV
Let us learn how to live in the tension between discontent with our world, and contentment with what we have. It will help us to have an attitude of gratitude toward our God.
Grace, and peace in your hearts,
Ron
The first sister thought that contentment would be found in experiencing her world; she loaded her backpack and set out to see the world. And bit by bit, she did that very thing. She saw the countless wonders of the world, she experienced cuisine from different cultures, and she sat at the feet of the wise in many cultures. Although she learned much, there was always a new sight to see, a new delicacy to taste, and different voice to hear. She found many things, but she woke up hungry in a different place every morning. She did not find contentment.
The second sister thought that contentment would come from making her world productive. Surely if someone could use the resources of this world wisely, one could have all that one wanted, have the time to relax that one wanted, and this plenty would benevolently spill over into the lives of others as well. She went far and worked hard: she mined, she molded, she harvested, she sold. With her tireless labor she changed the face of the planet, becoming wealthy beyond the imagination of most humans. Others followed her, served her, and modeled their lives after her. Yet when she looked in her beveled glass mirror, she did not find contentment in her face, or in the faces of any of those who followed her.
The third sister thought that contentment would come from understanding her world. She spent years in study around the world, accumulating degrees at the finest universities. She wrote volumes about civilization and history. She understood the subtle intricacies of science and philosophy. She could recognize the obscure references and connotations inherent in the most difficult pieces of literature and visual art. Yet all of her knowledge did not provide the definitive answer to the question of how to find contentment. She could describe twenty different theoretical approaches to find contentment, yet she was intellectually honest enough to admit that she had not actually fully lived out any of them.
The fourth sister never left the land of Discontent. The fourth sister stayed at home, went to college in her hometown, married a local boy, and stayed to teach at her alma mater. She did not see the world first hand, but she studied it well enough to instruct her students in its beauty, its fragility, its diversity, and its unity. She did not reshape the world with her industry, but she did teach her students how to use the world’s resources so that they would remain renewable, and yet could still possibly provide for the needs of every human. At the same time, she showed her children how to measure their lives without counting their stuff. She did not pursue many degrees, but she did create in her students a thirst for knowledge that did, over time, change the boundaries of practical human knowledge.
The fourth sister never left the land of Discontent, but she did leave discontent. She did not change the world into a place of contentment, but she did model for her students how one might want to change the world and still find contentment for oneself. How could she ever be content with the status quo of the world, as long as there was hunger, pain, injustice, or want? She did learn, though, to discipline her desires so that she could learn to be content with what she had. She worked on who she was so that she could be more and more content with who she was. She honed her purpose in life, so that she could be more and more content with that purpose. She was the least famous of the four, but the only one to come close to contentment.
Hear these words of wisdom about contentment:
There is no calamity greater than lavish desires.
There is no greater guilt than discontentment.
And there is no greater disaster than greed.
Lao-tzu (604 BC - 531 BC), The Way of Lao-tzu
It is not for man to rest in absolute contentment. He is born to hopes and aspirations as the sparks fly upward, unless he has brutified his nature and quenched the spirit of immortality which is his portion.
Robert Southey (1774 - 1843)
To feel that one has a place in life solves half the problems of contentment.
George Woodberry
For the Christian, the words of Paul speak to us most wisely:
I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:11-13 - NRSV
Let us learn how to live in the tension between discontent with our world, and contentment with what we have. It will help us to have an attitude of gratitude toward our God.
Grace, and peace in your hearts,
Ron
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Accountability: courage, loyalty, love
It is the end of a long week. Ben is in high school. I go into Ben’s room to talk with him about his day: how it went, what he did. He’s got some stories to tell, some about himself, some about friends. A recurring theme is his concern for one of his friends who is struggling with some issues. Being an intuitive and decisive person, I complete the necessary inferences, jump to the appropriate analytical conclusions, and using technical psychological terminology pronounce, “Your friend’s a jerk.”
I do not anticipate the direction, the velocity, or the force of Ben’s response. He comes right back at me. “He’s not a jerk, and you don’t have the right to say that.” I argue the point forcefully: “He’s a jerk.” Ben keeps coming back, “That’s not who he is.” I argue the point again. Ben comes back at me yet again.
When I finally see that he is ready to defend this guy to the death, I attempt to deflect the blow. “Well, he may not be a jerk, but he is acting like a jerk.”
Ben sees right through that. “That may be, but to label someone by their behavior when they’re not being themselves is wrong.”
Ben has me there. He knows that I don’t believe in labeling people. He knows that I don’t like cubby holing people. He knows that I believe that every human being is unique. Ben is arguing that his friend’s actions don’t really represent who he is. Ben is not just talking with me about his friend, he has been talking with his friend about this stuff, holding him accountable, calling him to be his true self. And he has the courage to hold his dad accountable, too. Even when his dad isn’t behaving in a way that is consistent with who his dad is.
Accountability is a key to being Christian community. It keeps us connected, it keeps us from wandering off, it keeps us in our place within the body of Christ, and unites our focus. But accountability requires courage, loyalty and love. Accountability requires the courage to be willing to take on even an authority figure: your dad, for example. Accountability takes loyalty, especially when the unacceptable behavior is directed at yourself, or someone you love. And it requires love, because if love doesn’t accompany the confrontation and redirection, then you wouldn’t call it Christian accountability.
We are called to help each other with accountability. Some of the “one another” passages that we know very well really have as much to do with accountability as anything:
John 13:34-35 - I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
Romans 12:9-10 - Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor.
Ephesians 4:25 - So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another.
Colossians 3:9-10 - Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator.
Colossians 3:13-16 - Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 – Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing.
Hebrews 3:13-14 – But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," so that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have become partners of Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end.
Hebrews 10:24-25 – And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching. NRSV
May God give us the courage, loyalty, and love to hold each other accountable to being our true selves.
Blessings,
Ron
I do not anticipate the direction, the velocity, or the force of Ben’s response. He comes right back at me. “He’s not a jerk, and you don’t have the right to say that.” I argue the point forcefully: “He’s a jerk.” Ben keeps coming back, “That’s not who he is.” I argue the point again. Ben comes back at me yet again.
When I finally see that he is ready to defend this guy to the death, I attempt to deflect the blow. “Well, he may not be a jerk, but he is acting like a jerk.”
Ben sees right through that. “That may be, but to label someone by their behavior when they’re not being themselves is wrong.”
Ben has me there. He knows that I don’t believe in labeling people. He knows that I don’t like cubby holing people. He knows that I believe that every human being is unique. Ben is arguing that his friend’s actions don’t really represent who he is. Ben is not just talking with me about his friend, he has been talking with his friend about this stuff, holding him accountable, calling him to be his true self. And he has the courage to hold his dad accountable, too. Even when his dad isn’t behaving in a way that is consistent with who his dad is.
Accountability is a key to being Christian community. It keeps us connected, it keeps us from wandering off, it keeps us in our place within the body of Christ, and unites our focus. But accountability requires courage, loyalty and love. Accountability requires the courage to be willing to take on even an authority figure: your dad, for example. Accountability takes loyalty, especially when the unacceptable behavior is directed at yourself, or someone you love. And it requires love, because if love doesn’t accompany the confrontation and redirection, then you wouldn’t call it Christian accountability.
We are called to help each other with accountability. Some of the “one another” passages that we know very well really have as much to do with accountability as anything:
John 13:34-35 - I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
Romans 12:9-10 - Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor.
Ephesians 4:25 - So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another.
Colossians 3:9-10 - Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator.
Colossians 3:13-16 - Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 – Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing.
Hebrews 3:13-14 – But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," so that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have become partners of Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end.
Hebrews 10:24-25 – And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching. NRSV
May God give us the courage, loyalty, and love to hold each other accountable to being our true selves.
Blessings,
Ron
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Voice: the word spoken and recognizable
Voice is the word that scripture and prayer illuminate for us today:
Hear the voice of Jesus:
Very truly, I tell you, anyone who does not enter the sheepfold by the gate but climbs in by another way is a thief and a bandit.
The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep.
The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep hear his voice.
He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.
When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice.
They will not follow a stranger, but they will run from him because they do not know the voice of strangers . . . .
Very truly, I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep.
All who came before me are thieves and bandits; but the sheep did not listen to them.
I am the gate. Whoever enters by me will be saved, and will come in and go out and find pasture.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
The hired hand, who is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away —
and the wolf snatches them and scatters them.
The hired hand runs away because a hired hand does not care for the sheep.
I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me,
just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep.
I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice.
So there will be one flock, one shepherd.
For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life in order to take it up again.
No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it up again.
I have received this command from my Father.
John 10:1-18 NRSV
The voice we can scarcely hear
Walter Brueggemann
You are the voice we can scarcely hear
because you speak about dying and suffering,
and we are impacted by so many voices
that have to do with power
and competence
and success.
We do know that you are the voice that give life,
that you are the voice that opens futures to people who are hopeless.
We are part of a hopeless people,
because the other voices eat at our hearts
and we are immobilized
and we become deaf.
So we pray for new ears.
We pray that your voice may be more audible to us,
that we may be able to sort out the death-giving
from the life-giving voices among us.
We pray in the name of Jesus,
through whom you have spoken
in such inscrutable ways.
Amen
Blessings,
Ron
Hear the voice of Jesus:
Very truly, I tell you, anyone who does not enter the sheepfold by the gate but climbs in by another way is a thief and a bandit.
The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep.
The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep hear his voice.
He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.
When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice.
They will not follow a stranger, but they will run from him because they do not know the voice of strangers . . . .
Very truly, I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep.
All who came before me are thieves and bandits; but the sheep did not listen to them.
I am the gate. Whoever enters by me will be saved, and will come in and go out and find pasture.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
The hired hand, who is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away —
and the wolf snatches them and scatters them.
The hired hand runs away because a hired hand does not care for the sheep.
I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me,
just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep.
I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice.
So there will be one flock, one shepherd.
For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life in order to take it up again.
No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it up again.
I have received this command from my Father.
John 10:1-18 NRSV
The voice we can scarcely hear
Walter Brueggemann
You are the voice we can scarcely hear
because you speak about dying and suffering,
and we are impacted by so many voices
that have to do with power
and competence
and success.
We do know that you are the voice that give life,
that you are the voice that opens futures to people who are hopeless.
We are part of a hopeless people,
because the other voices eat at our hearts
and we are immobilized
and we become deaf.
So we pray for new ears.
We pray that your voice may be more audible to us,
that we may be able to sort out the death-giving
from the life-giving voices among us.
We pray in the name of Jesus,
through whom you have spoken
in such inscrutable ways.
Amen
Blessings,
Ron
Monday, October 20, 2008
Boundary: alongside instead of against
It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. I was in the construction business, designing and building swimming pools. I loved the tangible, concrete nature of the business. What you did every day was so visible: so many designs complete, so many blueprints printed, so many yards of concrete poured, so many tons of rock laid, so many gallons of sparkling, clear water rippling in the warm breeze.
But plaster and stone are easier to work with than are human beings. It was as much a work of art to persuade people to trust the idea that I could create another award-winning pool at their home as it was to design the project itself. One of the greatest challenges was to complete projects in time for the first really warm days, when couples had too frequently taken up the best months for construction trying to decide if they even wanted a pool. Consequently, people in the pool business don’t get to go home very much in May.
This particular May, the weathermen in Fort Worth were telling a joke. “What do you call the day after two days of rain?” they quipped. The answer that was supposed to be funny was, “Monday.” Funny, unless you really wanted to work or play on Saturday.
What I really wanted to do this particular Saturday was dig a swimming pool – first of all because it would make my customer happy, and second, because I was paid for my part in the project when the pool was dug. Instead, the construction manager called to inform the customer and me that the rain was so hard that the dig could not happen today, and indeed, it might not dry out enough for the dig to happen for several days. I took off my work boots, and sat down at the drafting table to finish a set of plans for the next slated project.
After about an hour, I received a phone call from my customer. She was disappointed that we hadn’t dug her pool yet. Actually, she was furious. Technically, you could say that she was livid. I was empathetic. She refused to believe that anyone talking as calmly as I was talking could feel what she was feeling. I was persuasive. She was not going to be deterred. I looked out the window, saw that the sky was green, and explained that we were both better off in our nice, dry home and office than standing next to a 15 ton lightning rod, also known as a backhoe. She then proceeded to abuse me with language that made me wonder if she had ever had a career as a drill instructor.
I swallowed my real urge to sear the ears from her head with a blast of sarcasm, and instead said, as calmly as I knew how: “I am a professional who will do his best to do the best of work for you; I am a friend who will do his best to listen to you, but I am not going to let you talk to me this way anymore.” I then hung up the phone without waiting for a response.
I stopped working on my vellums and walked around the office. I was contemplating ways that I could explain this to my boss, and imagining what it might be like to look for another job.
Sure enough, five minutes later the phone rang again. It was my customer. “Ron,” she started, “did my evil twin sister just call you?” Thinking fast, I replied, “You know, I wondered who that was. Her voice sounded just like yours, but I knew from what she said that it couldn’t have been you.” She laughed and said, “She can be such a snot sometimes.” We went on to work on our real issues. We built a beautiful pool for her, and her family enjoyed it for many summers.
The word for today is boundary. A wise person once said, “All healthy relationships have good boundaries.” This is a fundamental truth.
In this relationship, I let my friend know, in a brief moment of clarity, that she had crossed one of my boundaries. Being a fundamentally wise person, she caught herself, apologized in her own inimitable way, and we were able to restore our relationship so as to finish the job that both of us wanted finished.
What boundaries do we need to watch today? Do we need to be sensitive to the sudden change in a friend’s demeanor as a signal that we have unintentionally crossed the line? Or, do we need to not be so subtle, and come straight out and tell someone when they have crossed the line that hurts our feelings or limits our effectiveness? It is important to pay close attention, and to communicate clearly, lest we be misunderstood.
When Jesus defines boundaries he does so in a fundamental way. He uses words that we have quoted so often that we lose sight of what they really mean. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31). In some ways, these words of Jesus are intuitively obvious. On the other hand, I don’t think that they are. Just because it doesn’t make me mad when a proofreader scratches out my words on a piece of paper and writes in their own, I ought not believe that I can do this to anyone else without taking into account how they feel about this apparent verbal sabotage. It might make them furious.
This is just one example. We all know something that aggravates someone we love that doesn’t bother us at all. For some children, raising your voice to them is the same as a physical assault. For some adults, raising your voice to them is the only way to really get their attention. If we really love as Jesus wants us to love, we have to watch out for those boundaries, and not make excuses for our intrusions across them. We should avoid the boundaries and ask for forgiveness when we unintentionally cross them.
May God help us to watch our boundaries in a loving way today.
Blessings,
Ron
But plaster and stone are easier to work with than are human beings. It was as much a work of art to persuade people to trust the idea that I could create another award-winning pool at their home as it was to design the project itself. One of the greatest challenges was to complete projects in time for the first really warm days, when couples had too frequently taken up the best months for construction trying to decide if they even wanted a pool. Consequently, people in the pool business don’t get to go home very much in May.
This particular May, the weathermen in Fort Worth were telling a joke. “What do you call the day after two days of rain?” they quipped. The answer that was supposed to be funny was, “Monday.” Funny, unless you really wanted to work or play on Saturday.
What I really wanted to do this particular Saturday was dig a swimming pool – first of all because it would make my customer happy, and second, because I was paid for my part in the project when the pool was dug. Instead, the construction manager called to inform the customer and me that the rain was so hard that the dig could not happen today, and indeed, it might not dry out enough for the dig to happen for several days. I took off my work boots, and sat down at the drafting table to finish a set of plans for the next slated project.
After about an hour, I received a phone call from my customer. She was disappointed that we hadn’t dug her pool yet. Actually, she was furious. Technically, you could say that she was livid. I was empathetic. She refused to believe that anyone talking as calmly as I was talking could feel what she was feeling. I was persuasive. She was not going to be deterred. I looked out the window, saw that the sky was green, and explained that we were both better off in our nice, dry home and office than standing next to a 15 ton lightning rod, also known as a backhoe. She then proceeded to abuse me with language that made me wonder if she had ever had a career as a drill instructor.
I swallowed my real urge to sear the ears from her head with a blast of sarcasm, and instead said, as calmly as I knew how: “I am a professional who will do his best to do the best of work for you; I am a friend who will do his best to listen to you, but I am not going to let you talk to me this way anymore.” I then hung up the phone without waiting for a response.
I stopped working on my vellums and walked around the office. I was contemplating ways that I could explain this to my boss, and imagining what it might be like to look for another job.
Sure enough, five minutes later the phone rang again. It was my customer. “Ron,” she started, “did my evil twin sister just call you?” Thinking fast, I replied, “You know, I wondered who that was. Her voice sounded just like yours, but I knew from what she said that it couldn’t have been you.” She laughed and said, “She can be such a snot sometimes.” We went on to work on our real issues. We built a beautiful pool for her, and her family enjoyed it for many summers.
The word for today is boundary. A wise person once said, “All healthy relationships have good boundaries.” This is a fundamental truth.
In this relationship, I let my friend know, in a brief moment of clarity, that she had crossed one of my boundaries. Being a fundamentally wise person, she caught herself, apologized in her own inimitable way, and we were able to restore our relationship so as to finish the job that both of us wanted finished.
What boundaries do we need to watch today? Do we need to be sensitive to the sudden change in a friend’s demeanor as a signal that we have unintentionally crossed the line? Or, do we need to not be so subtle, and come straight out and tell someone when they have crossed the line that hurts our feelings or limits our effectiveness? It is important to pay close attention, and to communicate clearly, lest we be misunderstood.
When Jesus defines boundaries he does so in a fundamental way. He uses words that we have quoted so often that we lose sight of what they really mean. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31). In some ways, these words of Jesus are intuitively obvious. On the other hand, I don’t think that they are. Just because it doesn’t make me mad when a proofreader scratches out my words on a piece of paper and writes in their own, I ought not believe that I can do this to anyone else without taking into account how they feel about this apparent verbal sabotage. It might make them furious.
This is just one example. We all know something that aggravates someone we love that doesn’t bother us at all. For some children, raising your voice to them is the same as a physical assault. For some adults, raising your voice to them is the only way to really get their attention. If we really love as Jesus wants us to love, we have to watch out for those boundaries, and not make excuses for our intrusions across them. We should avoid the boundaries and ask for forgiveness when we unintentionally cross them.
May God help us to watch our boundaries in a loving way today.
Blessings,
Ron
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