But Joab and Abishai pursued Abner. As the sun was going down they came to the hill of Ammah, which lies before Giah on the way to the wilderness of Gibeon. The Benjaminites rallied around Abner and formed a single band; they took their stand on the top of a hill. Then Abner called to Joab, "Is the sword to keep devouring forever? Do you not know that the end will be bitter? How long will it be before you order your people to turn from the pursuit of their kinsmen?" Joab said, "As God lives, if you had not spoken, the people would have continued to pursue their kinsmen, not stopping until morning." Joab sounded the trumpet and all the people stopped; they no longer pursued Israel or engaged in battle any further.
Abner and his men traveled all that night through the Arabah; they crossed the Jordan, and, marching the whole forenoon, they came to Mahanaim. Joab returned from the pursuit of Abner; and when he had gathered all the people together, there were missing of David's servants nineteen men besides Asahel. But the servants of David had killed of Benjamin three hundred sixty of Abner's men. They took up Asahel and buried him in the tomb of his father, which was at Bethlehem. Joab and his men marched all night, and the day broke upon them at Hebron.
2 Samuel 2:24-32 - NRSV
Civil war is a horrible thing. Relationships between friends and family that once were significant are smashed by terrible events, the memories of which are not easily forgotten, perhaps not even over a lifetime. The toll here is the loss of life; hundreds of lives, with many more to come.
Fortunately we never engage in civil wars, do we? Our relationships with friends and family are never smashed by terrible events, like careless or hurtful things that we might say or do to one another, are they? I don’t know about you, but all of the mistakes that I make are easily forgiven and forgotten. Surely none of the mistakes that you ever make stay in your, or someone else’s, memory for very long, do they? Nobody ever gets hurt – nothing is ever lost, is it?
If you don’t hear the irony in that last paragraph, then go back and read it again.
The reality is that the best of us hurts other people. Usually that hurt is unintentional; we don’t mean to hurt someone, but nonetheless, it happens. Sometimes that hurt happens because we get hurt ourselves; we feel the pain of someone else’s words, and we lash back without thinking, or without a care for their hurt. They started it, after all.
What do we do with all of this pain? Do we just “bury the dead” and then wait for the opportunity for revenge? Do we sneak away in the night and wait for the opportunity to stab someone in the back later on? (After all, Joab does have plans for Abner.)
Jesus said, “If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, 'I repent,' you must forgive."
See, you might say, they haven’t repented so I don’t have to forgive … But Jesus also said, “And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us.” So do we?
Somebody has to stop the battle.
He also said, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
This forgiveness thing is so hard because it demands a love which requires us to be so vulnerable. We want to protect ourselves, but when we do, too frequently we just hurt someone else. This kind of forgiveness can only happen when we let go of power: first over the lives of others, and finally, to a certain extent, in our own lives as well.
This is so hard for me because I am so easily hurt. Yet I can also be so insensitive to how I hurt other people, too. So I don’t speak about this as an expert, or one who is innocent. Nothing could be farther from the truth. But we need to talk about it, nonetheless.
Forgive …
Ron
Lk 17:3-4; Lk 11:4; Mt 6:14-15 - NRSV
