Have you ever been called into community?
When I was fourteen years old, I was called into community, although I would not have put it that way. I was the typical, nerdy adolescent: bright, not socially adept, and not particularly athletic. I made good grades (at the time, an underachiever), was a member of Student Council, was a Life Scout, went out for the baseball team (but never got to play in a game), and lived a life removed from faith altogether. In my case, this did not make me different than the rest of my family, because none of us went to church. Hardly ever. Weddings and funerals – that was it. When it came to church, I was definitely an outsider.
Then a small but significant thing happened in my life. A friend that I had known since kindergarten asked me to go to a church event with him one evening. It was nice to be invited, so I went with Rodney. Neither one of us could drive, so his folks picked us up in their Buick LeSabre and drove us to church. It was an interesting community. I was attracted to the young people in this church, but really, the entire group seemed open and welcoming. And so I began to go to church with Rod regularly.
Every time the church doors were open, Dean and Lucille O’Dell would drive out of their way (about a mile) to come by my house and pick me up to go to church with them. Over the next several months, I was invited into relationships with members of that community: friendships, teacher/student relationships, mentor/mentored relationships, relationships with spiritual fathers, and relationships with spiritual mothers. I had never experienced anything like this before. The community was affirming and connecting. This community gave me guidance, but it did not seek control. This community sought to help me find myself, and gave me some clues about what that self might look like, but it did not seek to make me conform to some standard and preconceived mold.
I wanted to be a part of this community.
Fortunately for me, the Eastside Church of Christ in Duncan, Oklahoma extended regular invitations to outsiders to become insiders. But really, they had brought me into the community, and shared with the me many of the benefits of the community long before I agreed to become a member of it. They welcomed me into their fellowship, and did whatever it took to allow me to participate in it. They picked me up and drove me to church until I was old enough to drive myself. They helped my brother and sister make the same regular trips. They understood community.
Have you ever been called into community?
When you were born, you were called into the community of family.
When you became a Christian, you were called into the community of faith.
When you came to minister at Westview, you were called into a community of hospitality and healing.
We have all been called into community.
Now it is in our hands to help shape those communities. How will they look? Will our communities appear to be open and inviting, or closed and impenetrable? Will our communities seek to serve as the grace of God, or as his judgment? Will we gently mold each other, or use the tools of manipulation? All of these decisions, and hundreds of others, shape the character of our community. That community may be our church, our ministry, or our family.
What do our communities look like? Do people see open arms or cold shoulders? Do people hear inviting words or impossible demands? Is it more likely that the people smell the aroma of Christ or the stink of unresolved disagreements? Can people taste the fruits of the Spirit amongst us, or can they not even get to the table? Do people feel the embrace of fellowship, or the cold distance between us? It is good to see ourselves as we are, but complaining about it never fixed anything. Only persistent, loving action can do that.
Have you ever been called into community?
On behalf of Jesus Christ, I am recalling you into your communities today. See them afresh. Help them be renewed. Restore to them the vibrancy intended by their Lord and Master.
Many will be blessed if we do these things. Who knows how many lives may be touched by influencing just one person. One outsider.
Grace and peace,
Ron
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, October 3, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Kate teaches us a lesson
On Tuesday night, much of Ann and Ron’s family was gathered at Ben and Tara’s home. Ben was attending to things in one end of the house, and Ron was following ten month old Kate as she walked (on her own wheels) from Tara in the kitchen toward the den, where Ann and Bailey were together on the sofa. Bailey was relaxing with her head in her mom’s lap, as Ann stroked her hair. When Kate saw this, it was if you could see her make the connections in her mind. Now Kate and Bailey are close, because Bailey has been her baby-sitter. Still, Kate started fussing and poking at Bailey as if to say, “This is my granna; what are you doing here?” Ann thought it was funny, so kept stroking Bailey’s head and saying, “My baby.” Which is a truth, but not a welcome fact to a baby who thinks that she is the entire family’s baby. Kate kept indicating her displeasure in Kate language (it sounds something like very forceful Chinese) and patting Ann and Bailey until finally, she became distracted with Bailey’s big, beautiful eyes and started to play with her eyelashes. We all laughed and moved on to the rest of our evening.
Later on, the scene was replayed with Ann and Bailey in a recliner. This time when Kate saw them together, she insisted that Ann bring her up into the recliner, too. When Ann would scratch Bailey’s back and say, “My Baby,” Kate would watch intently. Then Kate would wrap her little arm around Ann’s neck, bury her face in Ann’s shoulder, and nuzzle. The actors repeated this scene several times, and as with any comedy, it was funnier every time they did it. Talk was not enough. Kate was going to demonstrate who was whose baby. We taught Kate something. And Kate taught us that you can change your community with love, instead of noise or nonsense.
This is all about community, isn’t it? People, all connected in some way (in this case by familial relationships) gathered in one place, sharing time, relationship, and resources. Those relationships have definition and boundaries. The newest member of the community, Kate, has yet to understand those relationships and boundaries. She is a baby, after all. She is innocent. That doesn’t mean that everything she does is good, but she is too young to understand and be accountable for her actions. At ten months, how could she understand? So the community tolerates, even finds amusing, behavior which would not be acceptable from an older person. There were no negative consequences for Kate because she displayed some possessive feelings and actions. Instead her little community used one of its teaching tools (humor), maintained existing relationships, and worked to demonstrate that it has enough love for all of its members, whether they are present in the room or not.
You might think that this is intuitively obvious, but follow me on. As a little one grows older and grows in their ability to understand right and wrong, what does the community do with behavior that is out of bounds? Do we begin to withdraw our protective hand so that the natural consequences of the action negatively reinforce the lesson without our intervention? This might be possible and appropriate. Yet there still will remain certain actions that are more difficult to connect to consequence. Sometimes this is because we natively seek to protect children from consequences (of course we will grab the child right before they step off the edge of the deck). Sometimes this is because the effects of an action are more gradual and subtle.
What seems to be important to me is that, within community, we place limits on the kinds of consequences related to maintaining the community itself. In normal situations, consequences would focus on a limitation of resources, not of relationship. We wouldn’t say it like this, but it would be something like, “I need take away this toy for a while so that you understand you can’t do this, but I still love you.” Resources are removed; relationships are not terminated. Even if the behavior is so corrosive to community that a person has to be removed from the community for a while (a young person being violent to someone in the family, for example), it is important for the child to understand that the intent is to change the behavior and not terminate the relationship.
How does this relate to the children in our care? Think through that. Perhaps their community never taught them how to live in community. Perhaps they have experienced trauma that has warped their view of community. How do we help them understand right relationships? How do we help them to understand and respect appropriate boundaries? How do we help them understand what it means to be a part of a community unless we make them full-fledged members of a loving, flexible, and resilient community?
Hear the words of Jesus:
People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God [isn’t this the community of which we wish to be a part?] belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it." And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.
Mark 10:13-16 – NRSV
What do we do with this truth? Hear the words of Paul:
Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9 – NRSV
Grace and peace,
Ron
Later on, the scene was replayed with Ann and Bailey in a recliner. This time when Kate saw them together, she insisted that Ann bring her up into the recliner, too. When Ann would scratch Bailey’s back and say, “My Baby,” Kate would watch intently. Then Kate would wrap her little arm around Ann’s neck, bury her face in Ann’s shoulder, and nuzzle. The actors repeated this scene several times, and as with any comedy, it was funnier every time they did it. Talk was not enough. Kate was going to demonstrate who was whose baby. We taught Kate something. And Kate taught us that you can change your community with love, instead of noise or nonsense.
This is all about community, isn’t it? People, all connected in some way (in this case by familial relationships) gathered in one place, sharing time, relationship, and resources. Those relationships have definition and boundaries. The newest member of the community, Kate, has yet to understand those relationships and boundaries. She is a baby, after all. She is innocent. That doesn’t mean that everything she does is good, but she is too young to understand and be accountable for her actions. At ten months, how could she understand? So the community tolerates, even finds amusing, behavior which would not be acceptable from an older person. There were no negative consequences for Kate because she displayed some possessive feelings and actions. Instead her little community used one of its teaching tools (humor), maintained existing relationships, and worked to demonstrate that it has enough love for all of its members, whether they are present in the room or not.
You might think that this is intuitively obvious, but follow me on. As a little one grows older and grows in their ability to understand right and wrong, what does the community do with behavior that is out of bounds? Do we begin to withdraw our protective hand so that the natural consequences of the action negatively reinforce the lesson without our intervention? This might be possible and appropriate. Yet there still will remain certain actions that are more difficult to connect to consequence. Sometimes this is because we natively seek to protect children from consequences (of course we will grab the child right before they step off the edge of the deck). Sometimes this is because the effects of an action are more gradual and subtle.
What seems to be important to me is that, within community, we place limits on the kinds of consequences related to maintaining the community itself. In normal situations, consequences would focus on a limitation of resources, not of relationship. We wouldn’t say it like this, but it would be something like, “I need take away this toy for a while so that you understand you can’t do this, but I still love you.” Resources are removed; relationships are not terminated. Even if the behavior is so corrosive to community that a person has to be removed from the community for a while (a young person being violent to someone in the family, for example), it is important for the child to understand that the intent is to change the behavior and not terminate the relationship.
How does this relate to the children in our care? Think through that. Perhaps their community never taught them how to live in community. Perhaps they have experienced trauma that has warped their view of community. How do we help them understand right relationships? How do we help them to understand and respect appropriate boundaries? How do we help them understand what it means to be a part of a community unless we make them full-fledged members of a loving, flexible, and resilient community?
Hear the words of Jesus:
People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God [isn’t this the community of which we wish to be a part?] belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it." And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.
Mark 10:13-16 – NRSV
What do we do with this truth? Hear the words of Paul:
Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9 – NRSV
Grace and peace,
Ron
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Once you weren't, now you are
God brings us into this world through a family, a community. Sometimes that community knows how to be a community. Unfortunately, as we are well aware, sometimes the family does not know how to be a healthy family. Our place in this world (as the church, and as Westview) is to be a community of love, faith, and acceptance for young men who either don’t have such a community, or who need to learn how to live within community. This means that we need to be a healthy community for several reasons: to model community for our boys and our children, to be the people of God so as to receive his blessings, and to care for each other as individuals and families.
The book of Hosea describes one of the saddest moments in Israel’s history. Israel is at a low point, and Hosea’s wife Gomer bears two children to whom God gives symbolic names (Hosea 1). God calls the daughter “No Mercy” and the son “Not My People”. When Israel ceased to function as a godly community, God removed the blessing of his mercy. No community, no mercy. Mercy was not intended to be parceled out individually to persons but communally to a people.
Individualism has run rampant in much of this world over the last two centuries. Americans see themselves as the rugged individualists that have reshaped this planet. But the very condition of our planet gives us some indications that perhaps this is not working so well. Are we the paternalistic protector or the power-wielding commodities broker? Perhaps we ought to consider our place in a global community. Concerning ourselves with the needs of others, showing restraint in the use of resources and power, giving thought to our future. True peace and blessing come within community.
Referring back to Hosea, Peter describes clearly our own calling to be a people, a holy nation, a community:
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's own people, in order that you may proclaim the mighty acts of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
Once you were not a people,
but now you are God's people;
once you had not received mercy,
but now you have received mercy.
- 1 Peter 2:9-10 NRSV
When we restore true community, godly community, God restores his mercy. How does Peter call us to live within such a community? Consider the verses that follow:
Beloved, I urge you as aliens and exiles to abstain from the desires of the flesh that wage war against the soul. Conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles, so that, though they malign you as evildoers, they may see your honorable deeds and glorify God when he comes to judge.
For the Lord's sake accept the authority of every human institution, whether of the emperor as supreme, or of governors, as sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to praise those who do right. For it is God's will that by doing right you should silence the ignorance of the foolish. As servants of God, live as free people, yet do not use your freedom as a pretext for evil. Honor everyone. Love the family of believers. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
- 1 Peter 2: 11-17 NRSV
Let us choose to love everyone (whether in our community or not) and to honor the family of believers. When we do this, we will properly fear God.
Grace and peace,
Ron
The book of Hosea describes one of the saddest moments in Israel’s history. Israel is at a low point, and Hosea’s wife Gomer bears two children to whom God gives symbolic names (Hosea 1). God calls the daughter “No Mercy” and the son “Not My People”. When Israel ceased to function as a godly community, God removed the blessing of his mercy. No community, no mercy. Mercy was not intended to be parceled out individually to persons but communally to a people.
Individualism has run rampant in much of this world over the last two centuries. Americans see themselves as the rugged individualists that have reshaped this planet. But the very condition of our planet gives us some indications that perhaps this is not working so well. Are we the paternalistic protector or the power-wielding commodities broker? Perhaps we ought to consider our place in a global community. Concerning ourselves with the needs of others, showing restraint in the use of resources and power, giving thought to our future. True peace and blessing come within community.
Referring back to Hosea, Peter describes clearly our own calling to be a people, a holy nation, a community:
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's own people, in order that you may proclaim the mighty acts of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
Once you were not a people,
but now you are God's people;
once you had not received mercy,
but now you have received mercy.
- 1 Peter 2:9-10 NRSV
When we restore true community, godly community, God restores his mercy. How does Peter call us to live within such a community? Consider the verses that follow:
Beloved, I urge you as aliens and exiles to abstain from the desires of the flesh that wage war against the soul. Conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles, so that, though they malign you as evildoers, they may see your honorable deeds and glorify God when he comes to judge.
For the Lord's sake accept the authority of every human institution, whether of the emperor as supreme, or of governors, as sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to praise those who do right. For it is God's will that by doing right you should silence the ignorance of the foolish. As servants of God, live as free people, yet do not use your freedom as a pretext for evil. Honor everyone. Love the family of believers. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
- 1 Peter 2: 11-17 NRSV
Let us choose to love everyone (whether in our community or not) and to honor the family of believers. When we do this, we will properly fear God.
Grace and peace,
Ron
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