It is the end of a long week. Ben is in high school. I go into Ben’s room to talk with him about his day: how it went, what he did. He’s got some stories to tell, some about himself, some about friends. A recurring theme is his concern for one of his friends who is struggling with some issues. Being an intuitive and decisive person, I complete the necessary inferences, jump to the appropriate analytical conclusions, and using technical psychological terminology pronounce, “Your friend’s a jerk.”
I do not anticipate the direction, the velocity, or the force of Ben’s response. He comes right back at me. “He’s not a jerk, and you don’t have the right to say that.” I argue the point forcefully: “He’s a jerk.” Ben keeps coming back, “That’s not who he is.” I argue the point again. Ben comes back at me yet again.
When I finally see that he is ready to defend this guy to the death, I attempt to deflect the blow. “Well, he may not be a jerk, but he is acting like a jerk.”
Ben sees right through that. “That may be, but to label someone by their behavior when they’re not being themselves is wrong.”
Ben has me there. He knows that I don’t believe in labeling people. He knows that I don’t like cubby holing people. He knows that I believe that every human being is unique. Ben is arguing that his friend’s actions don’t really represent who he is. Ben is not just talking with me about his friend, he has been talking with his friend about this stuff, holding him accountable, calling him to be his true self. And he has the courage to hold his dad accountable, too. Even when his dad isn’t behaving in a way that is consistent with who his dad is.
Accountability is a key to being Christian community. It keeps us connected, it keeps us from wandering off, it keeps us in our place within the body of Christ, and unites our focus. But accountability requires courage, loyalty and love. Accountability requires the courage to be willing to take on even an authority figure: your dad, for example. Accountability takes loyalty, especially when the unacceptable behavior is directed at yourself, or someone you love. And it requires love, because if love doesn’t accompany the confrontation and redirection, then you wouldn’t call it Christian accountability.
We are called to help each other with accountability. Some of the “one another” passages that we know very well really have as much to do with accountability as anything:
John 13:34-35 - I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
Romans 12:9-10 - Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor.
Ephesians 4:25 - So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another.
Colossians 3:9-10 - Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator.
Colossians 3:13-16 - Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 – Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing.
Hebrews 3:13-14 – But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," so that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have become partners of Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end.
Hebrews 10:24-25 – And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching. NRSV
May God give us the courage, loyalty, and love to hold each other accountable to being our true selves.
Blessings,
Ron
