A prayer from Leaving Ruin:
Dear God,
Somewhere, a man hits a woman, and a woman dies, and the man’s life is severed, and a child is dropped from a killing height, and papers are signed, death certificates and warrants, and sin rolls through the earth like a wave of hell, and that anyone smiles is a miracle of humility and grace that only you can author.
Lord, how forgiveness begins is absurd, and hidden, and a mystery that I run toward, and from, and you are that mystery, and I stand dumb, mute, astonished, like a brick cut in half, chiseled into a beginning shape by the rough hand of time, and discipline, and love.
Oh, Lord, leave me, for if I see your face, or its shadow, or even if I sit with your word in my lap, I die, for I am sin, I am wrong, I am pride, I am lust, I am the seven deadly sins, and they are tattoos on my soul, full of spikes and piercings and skull’s bones, and how can you stand the hate hidden within? Is love this deep? Is blood, even the Christ’s, enough to clean, enough to slake even my deadly thirst, and praise is due the one who replies to this accusation, and says, yes, it is enough, my blood is enough, and my love is that deep, and there is nothing that can separate me from you, for you are mine, and are mine forever.
An unworthy servant, I bow.
Thanking Jesus, and in his name,
Amen
It is both frightening and comforting to look at ourselves in the mirror in light of the Cross. The older I get, the more acutely I experience the pain of my sin. When life was simpler and thinking was black-and-white for me, I thought my sin was minor and not hurtful. Over time, my thought-sins were exposed to be quite hurtful to myself and others. I wonder, at times, if the blood of Christ is enough. I fear, at times, that it is not. I hope, at all times, that it is. Logically and Theologically, I knew Jesus is enough.
Oh, but on the sad days. On the days that I don’t know if I have the trust and humility required to continue my contact with this Source of Life. Those days are the hard ones, when depression burns and the desire to run away overwhelms.
Yet, Christ is enough and His blood covers and heals and makes whole. He is to be praised and worshipped. He is enough, even when I am not enough. He hangs on to me even when I am not certain I have the courage to hang on to Him.
Romans 8:33-39
Who can accuse the people God has chosen? No one! God is the one that makes them right. Who can say that God’s people are guilty? No one! Christ Jesus died, but that is not all. He was also raised from death. And now he is at God’s right side, speaking to him for us. Can anything separate us from Christ’s love? Can trouble or problems or persecutions separate us from his love? If we have no food or clothes or face danger or even death will that separate us from his love? As the scriptures say “for you were in danger of death all the time. People think we are worth no more than sheep to be killed.” (Ps 44:22)
But, in all these troubles, we have complete victory through God, who has shown his love for us. Yes, I am sure that nothing can separate us from God’s love-not death, life, angels, or ruling spirits. I am sure that nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us or nothing below us - nothing in the whole created world - will ever be able to separate us from the love God has shown us in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Grace and peace,
Shiann
