It has been a while, as far as we know, since any of the “sent out” have been sent out. Angels haven’t appeared to much of anybody for quite a while, and then all of a sudden they are popping up everywhere. Not just any angels; the legendary ones. The angel of the Lord appears to Zechariah in the temple in Jerusalem. Gabriel shows up at Nazareth to see Mary. And then the angel of the Lord makes another appearance to Joseph.
These angelic visitors have amazing credentials, impressive resumes, and direct access to God, and yet God sends them to unknown people, living insignificant lives in insignificant towns with insignificant assets and insignificant political power. Although they come from families with interesting histories, nothing in any of their stories sets them apart. They are unknowns. Nobodies. Nearly invisible.
Hear the word of God describe one of these visits:
In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin's name was Mary. And he came to her and said, "Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you."
But she was much perplexed by his words and pondered what sort of greeting this might be.
The angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end."
Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?"
The angel said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called Son of God. And now, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month for her who was said to be barren. For nothing will be impossible with God."
Then Mary said, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word." Then the angel departed from her.
With this knowledge, can we imagine how Mary took care of herself during this pregnancy? Do we understand the care with which these humble people delivered these God-promised children, John and Jesus, into this world? Have we ever thought about how these called-out parents measured every word that they used to comfort, nurture, direct, and discipline these babies with such huge destinies? If it were our calling, how would we raise the prophet and herald of the King, and the King himself?
That is a sobering question, isn’t it? And yet it is not as irrelevant as it might seem at first. No, in fact, we have not been called to raise John or Jesus in our homes. Yet, despite the fact that we may be nobodies, too, might God have placed a child with an extraordinary calling in our care? Who knows? We might have a Sarah or a Samuel, a Mary or a Micaiah, an Elizabeth or an Elijah, an Abigail or an Amos, a Joanna or a Josiah or a Joshua … mightn’t we?
Remember the words of Jesus? “Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If in my name you ask me for anything, I will do it.”
Because of the amount of time that God may choose for our children to be in this world, they have, according to Jesus, the potential to lay at the feet of Jesus a larger body of work than that which Jesus had time to do. More significant? Certainly not. Important in the eyes of Jesus Christ? Absolutely. Through the power of Jesus? That’s what he said.
Every one of the children born to our care, and every one of the young men placed in our care, has this kind of potential. If God made a good creation when he made humanity, if Jesus spoke the truth, if we can trust his promises, then that potential belongs to all of these children. We can take the “if” out of all of those phrases, can’t we, because they’re all true. Now the “Ifs” are all in our court: if we will teach our children when we rise up and lie down, if we will show a child the way that is right when they are young, if we will not provoke a child to wrath, then we will have the possibilities that go with those practices. Will we take the “if” out of those? Will we try?
If we’re raising our children differently than we would Jesus, why?
Blessings,
Ron
Luke 1:26-38; John 14:12-14 – NRSV
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Expecting safety, experiencing fear, feeling angry
“Be afraid. Be very afraid.” People who are parents, and people who serve in the place of parents, are going to experience fear.
This is because their children will do things, or their children will experience things, that will scare them silly. Consider the example of Mary:
Now every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival. When the festival was ended and they started to return, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Assuming that he was in the group of travelers, they went a day's journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends.
When they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem to search for him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him they were astonished; and his mother said to him, "Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety." He said to them, "Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?” But they did not understand what he said to them. Then he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them. His mother treasured all these things in her heart.
And Jesus increased in wisdom and in years, and in divine and human favor.
Luke 2:41-52 - NRSV
It is not difficult to imagine the fear of Mary and Joseph. Think about needing to say this prayer: “O Lord, it appears that we have lost your only begotten son. Help!” It wouldn’t help to know that God would already be perfectly aware of your dilemma. Of your parental shortcomings. The sinking feeling that a parent has in their gut when they know something is wrong for one of their children can be an overwhelming kind of fear.
A troubled pregnancy. An uncontrolled fever. Crying that won’t stop. The unexpected visit to the emergency room. Missing in the mall. The unimaginable fall. An encounter with truly evil people. A car accident. A poor choice for a romantic relationship. For any parent that is awake, these can be fearful situations.
But look what happens when the fear is past. Anger. Anger taken to the very limit of words. Even from the saintly Mary. Can’t you hear it in her voice? “Child, why have you treated us like this?”
The reality is that anger frequently follows fear. Why is this? As humans we have an expectation of safety even though we are intelligent enough to know that the world is not exactly a safe place. To be able to function at all, those of us who maintain some level of sanity learn how to deal with that lack of safety. Sometimes we establish complex systems designed to guarantee that safety. We choose houses in certain locations, either for their remoteness or the level of police protection. We install locks. We exercise vigilance. We practice denial. Which is all fine until you take those precious babies outside your little castle and have them interact with other human beings.
Every measure of safety can be defeated. Which means that safety is too frequently is either relative or an illusion. Yet there is one exception to the safety problem. God. Hear the words of David:
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation,
my stronghold and my refuge,
my savior; you save me from violence.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.
2 Samuel 22:2-4 – NRSV
(If you really want to feel safe in the protection of God, read the rest of that chapter.) Do you think perhaps that even the courageous David experienced fear and anger? I think that it is a near certainty. Yet the source of safety for this great person was God. Only God.
So how will we avoid anger after we experience fear? I don’t think that we can or ought to try to stop the feelings, but I do think that we need to be careful what we do with them. I don’t think that we can avoid the anger, but we have listen to what it is telling us. Our expectation of safety has been disappointed. How can we regain safety? There may be things that we can do. But if it is possible at all, it will be with our God, our Rock. We must trust him, and believe, even when it is not readily apparent, that he is in control (and ought to be).
One other thing. If dealing with fear and anger are so difficult for us as adults, who have some level of maturity (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual), can we imagine what this fear and anger might be like for a child? Can we contemplate the overwhelming feelings that an abused or neglected child feels when they have been living in the survival mode, the mode of fear, for years? Can we imagine the anger on the other side of their fear? Perhaps thinking about this will move us to construct a little corner of God’s kingdom in our homes so that the children in our care can experience safety. Perhaps for the first time in recent history. Yet they may have to experience safety for a while before they can make safe, and not angry, choices for themselves.
Lean upon the Rock. Hide behind him on the really tough days. He wants you to rely on him.
Blessings,
Ron
This is because their children will do things, or their children will experience things, that will scare them silly. Consider the example of Mary:
Now every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival. When the festival was ended and they started to return, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Assuming that he was in the group of travelers, they went a day's journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends.
When they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem to search for him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him they were astonished; and his mother said to him, "Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety." He said to them, "Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?” But they did not understand what he said to them. Then he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them. His mother treasured all these things in her heart.
And Jesus increased in wisdom and in years, and in divine and human favor.
Luke 2:41-52 - NRSV
It is not difficult to imagine the fear of Mary and Joseph. Think about needing to say this prayer: “O Lord, it appears that we have lost your only begotten son. Help!” It wouldn’t help to know that God would already be perfectly aware of your dilemma. Of your parental shortcomings. The sinking feeling that a parent has in their gut when they know something is wrong for one of their children can be an overwhelming kind of fear.
A troubled pregnancy. An uncontrolled fever. Crying that won’t stop. The unexpected visit to the emergency room. Missing in the mall. The unimaginable fall. An encounter with truly evil people. A car accident. A poor choice for a romantic relationship. For any parent that is awake, these can be fearful situations.
But look what happens when the fear is past. Anger. Anger taken to the very limit of words. Even from the saintly Mary. Can’t you hear it in her voice? “Child, why have you treated us like this?”
The reality is that anger frequently follows fear. Why is this? As humans we have an expectation of safety even though we are intelligent enough to know that the world is not exactly a safe place. To be able to function at all, those of us who maintain some level of sanity learn how to deal with that lack of safety. Sometimes we establish complex systems designed to guarantee that safety. We choose houses in certain locations, either for their remoteness or the level of police protection. We install locks. We exercise vigilance. We practice denial. Which is all fine until you take those precious babies outside your little castle and have them interact with other human beings.
Every measure of safety can be defeated. Which means that safety is too frequently is either relative or an illusion. Yet there is one exception to the safety problem. God. Hear the words of David:
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation,
my stronghold and my refuge,
my savior; you save me from violence.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.
2 Samuel 22:2-4 – NRSV
(If you really want to feel safe in the protection of God, read the rest of that chapter.) Do you think perhaps that even the courageous David experienced fear and anger? I think that it is a near certainty. Yet the source of safety for this great person was God. Only God.
So how will we avoid anger after we experience fear? I don’t think that we can or ought to try to stop the feelings, but I do think that we need to be careful what we do with them. I don’t think that we can avoid the anger, but we have listen to what it is telling us. Our expectation of safety has been disappointed. How can we regain safety? There may be things that we can do. But if it is possible at all, it will be with our God, our Rock. We must trust him, and believe, even when it is not readily apparent, that he is in control (and ought to be).
One other thing. If dealing with fear and anger are so difficult for us as adults, who have some level of maturity (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual), can we imagine what this fear and anger might be like for a child? Can we contemplate the overwhelming feelings that an abused or neglected child feels when they have been living in the survival mode, the mode of fear, for years? Can we imagine the anger on the other side of their fear? Perhaps thinking about this will move us to construct a little corner of God’s kingdom in our homes so that the children in our care can experience safety. Perhaps for the first time in recent history. Yet they may have to experience safety for a while before they can make safe, and not angry, choices for themselves.
Lean upon the Rock. Hide behind him on the really tough days. He wants you to rely on him.
Blessings,
Ron
Saturday, August 16, 2008
The goldfish pond
Today, another parable to balance the story told yesterday.
A father and his young son built a garden in their backyard; not a vegetable garden, but a miniature paradise with periwinkles, zinnias, and gladiolus. They laid flagstones from the back door to a bench under the shade of an old and beautiful tree. The rocks they dug up were used to build a waterfall so that the sound of water could be heard trickling down into a cool pool of rippling glass near the bench. To complete the effect, the son persuaded his father to get some fish to put into the pond. After some discussion about what kind of fish, goldfish were bought and the pond was stocked.
All was well for several weeks until one day the boy noticed that one of the larger fish was nipping at the tail of the one fish that was his favorite. This worried him so much that he talked his mother out of a large glass bowl into which to put the fish. When his father came home, he told his son that he didn’t think that this was wise and explained why he thought so. The boy was troubled by this, but still thought that the fish had much better chances of surviving in his room than in the pond.
Before very long, winter came, and although the boy worried very little about the fish in the pond, he took very good care of his favorite in the bowl. From time to time, when the son wasn’t looking, the father would come in, take a look at the fish, and leave the room gently shaking his head. On cold days, the boy would go look at the ice on top of the pool and leave slowly shaking his head. But the boy was happy with his pet fish, and winter quickly passed.
One spring morning, the boy went out into the yard to see how the other fish were doing. What he saw amazed him. The fish in the pond were 10 times the size of his pet fish! The boy ran to get his father, who came with him to look at the fish. The father wasn’t surprised at all, and explained to his son what had happened.
“It’s impossible to love too much son, but it is possible to love in the wrong way. Whenever you do something that makes you feel better, but isn’t for the best of the one that you love, that thing isn’t done out of love for the other, but out of love for self. To grow, creatures need room - room to explore, room to be with their equals, room to make mistakes and suffer the consequences of those mistakes. It is a hard thing to stand back and watch someone that you love paying the price for the things that they have done, but sometimes you just have to do it. It’s especially hard, too, when the bad things that happen aren’t necessarily fair, but a part of things that happen in life. That’s why I asked you not to take your favorite fish out of the pool - so he’d have a chance and some space to grow.”
“But why didn’t you make me leave the fish in the pool, Dad?” the boy asked.
“Because I loved you more than the fish,” said Dad.
Grace and peace,
Ron
Friday, August 15, 2008
Charley and the Bee
Today, a parable for your consideration.
Charley and the Bee
One sunny spring morning, Charley hunted for bugs in his front yard while his mother worked in the flower beds. His search for wildlife had been quite successful, as he had already secured several interesting specimens in his blue bug bottle.
As he stalked through the clover, Charley noticed a particularly bright yellow and black bug buzzing from blossom to blossom. “Great!” thought Charley; “I don’t have one of those . . . .” As he swung his net down onto the bug, he suddenly remembered exactly what kind of bug this was. “A BEE,” said he.
Unfortunately, in his excitement, Charley more slapped than trapped the bee. The bee was not happy. With all of the resilience that God built into His creatures, the bee popped up from under the net and made a line straight for Charley’s face. “So that’s what ‘bee line’ means,” he thought as he turned to run.
Moved by the instinct common to any child, Charley ran straight for his mother. “Mom, a bee!” he shouted. As he ran up to her, she swept her long skirt over his head and held him still for a moment.
“Okay, Charley, you can come out now,” his mom said in a quiet voice.
“Mom, I’m not comin’ out ‘till that bee is gone.”
“You don’t have to worry about the bee anymore,” she answered. “He can’t sting you now.”
As Charley came back out, he searched high and low for signs of the bee. “What do you mean he can’t sting me now, Mom?”
“Look,” answered his mother as she moved her arm close enough for him to see. “See the stinger there,” said Mom. “A bee only has one, and his is now in me.”
If ever a child could feel guilty and glad at the same time, Charley did. “Does it hurt much, Mom?” he asked.
“Yes, Charley, it hurts. But it would hurt me even more to see you stung.”
“You’re the greatest, Mom,” said Charley proudly.
“No, Charley, but I do my best to be like the One who is.”
Tomorrow, the other side of the coin.
Grace and peace,
Ron
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